Men in Tights

So after the sports bra post I was thinking that I should write something for my blog’s male readers…if there are any left. Several years ago I used to run trails in Rock Creek Park with a wonderful group called the Dead Runner’s Society. One of the runners, Ken, had a habit of looking like this after completing every run:

Ouch.

That’s painful just to look at it. And despite our entreaties to Ken to “do something about it” he went merrily on, bloodying shirt after shirt, on every run. Apparently, it bothered everyone except him.

What causes bloody nipples? Nipple chafing (technical term) is caused by the shirt rubbing constantly against the nipple. Certain fabrics will chafe more than others. Women don’t suffer from this problem because we wear sports bras…

But just what can be done about bloody nipples? Well, by far the most popular solution seems to be NipGuards, nipple-sized circular bandages. You can get these at most running stores. They seem to work really well, according to the testimonials on NipGuards’ web site:

“I showed my nipples to all of my teammates and they couldn’t believe it!”

“At long last I have found a product that keeps my “Guys” happy!”

“I too suffered for years from the heartbreak of nipple abrasion. But, nevermore.”

“Please rush my next order, I have my first Ultra-marathon coming up and I don’t know if I could tolerate it unprotected.”

But if you’re cheap or you’re caught off guard with two nipples and no NipGuards, you can simply use Band Aids. I’ve heard that this can be problematic for men with hairy chests, however, as the Band Aid will come unstuck once you start to sweat. Solution: shave your chest. If you’re not a fan of sticking things on your nipples, you can use vaseline. As a final alternative, although it sounds a bit sadistic, you can build a tolerance, kinda like callouses on your feet, but that sounds a little unnecessary. Maybe that’s what Ken was trying to do.

For fun, my husband once walked into a bike shop and asked for “A bike thong and some NipGuards…”

OK, moving on.

Men in tights. It’s that time of year, at least here in Northern Virginia, where full leg coverage is necessary. (Well, unless you get a freak day like today which was 63 degrees…) Men have a decision to make: be brave and just keep wearing shorts (there are a few), wear pants, or…tights. Now I know that some guys are uncomfortable in tights given the tendency for bulges but, honestly, nobody cares. If you’re bothered by tights because you think the only men who wear them are ballet dancers, then by all means wear pants, but when they start flapping in the breeze and your nether regions freeze, don’t complain. These days, men who run wear tights. I recommend black because those bright colors are not attractive. Also, wearing your shirt outside the tights helps. If you’re tempted to wear shorts over the top, don’t. It just looks silly and so 80s. Might as well grow your hair out and put some leg warmers on. I’ve been told that underwear is a good idea on longer runs to prevent chafing. I’ve also heard that you can buy Gore Tex underwear to prevent frozen sperm. Now go out there in your tights and run proud!

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Comments

  1. Another option is Body Glide which many of us have around.

  2. wow that looks painful!
    and I was going to say Body Glide could help but see Stuart already mentioned that!
    not many men in tights here in S. FL

  3. Hahaha omg you are too funny! I really don’t find men in tights all that attractive…unless of course they’re robin hood 😉

  4. I don’t mind men in tights at all. In fact, we have a guy who runs with us who even wears “manpris” for some of our runs and I say good on him for doing it. Now on the nipples–it amazes me that it never bothered your friend! That would drive me crazy.

  5. I love this! My husband waits until it’s like below 20 to finally succumb to tights. I think men in tights are awesome!

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